10. Modify the Right Word

10. Modify the right word:

-avoid adjectives / adverbs that do not occur next to the word they modify

-avoid the separation of subject and verb by clauses or phrases that could easily be placed at the beginning of the sentence. Placing the phrase or clause at the beginning of the sentence allows the introductory phrase or clause to modify the subject and the subject to be next to the verb.

-place relative pronouns immediately after their antecedents

Incorrect:

New York’s first commercial human sperm bank opened Friday with semen samples from eighteen men frozen in a stainless steel tank.

Correct:

New York’s first commercial human sperm bank opened Friday with frozen semen samples from eighteen men. These samples were stored in a stainless steel tank.

INCORRECT: Nick sees this violence with very little reaction at all, contributing to the development of the debilitation of his mind.

CORRECT: Contributing to the development of the debilitation of his mind, Nick sees this violence with very little reaction.

Rule: the participial phrase now modifies the correct subject. Be wary of participial phrase tacked onto the ends of sentences.

Rule: Do not separate the subject from the verb.

Incorrect:

“Wordsworth, in the first book of The Prelude, describes his first encounter with the sublime.”

Correct:

“In the first book of The Prelude Wordsworth describes his first encounter with the sublime. ”

Modifiers should come, if possible next to the word they modify. If several expressions modify the same word, they should be so arranged that no wrong relation is suggested.

Incorrect:

There was a huge, double hydraulic hole in the middle of the river that was dangerous.

Correct:

There was a huge, dangerous, double hydraulic hole in the middle of the river.