Exercises

17. Be concise:

Directions: Rewrite the following sentences by omitting the unnecessary phrases or by combining sentences. Notice how conciseness promotes clarity and forcefulness. When useless words are omitted the essential words gain prominence.

(Rephrase to omit needless words)

1. During the period in which Jackie was learning the process of flying the new jets, she also learned something in regard to treating her fellow workers with what is generally called consideration.

1.

2. It is quite obvious that the person who was flying this airplane and not the person who was taking care of the passengers is the one who was responsible for the fact that this airplane made a crash landing.

2.

(Strike out "deadwood" -unnecessary words)

3. He took the course, not because he wanted to learn about chemistry, but because he wanted to be near the woman who was the instructor.

3.

4. His contemptuous sneer obviously contradicted his extravagant but insincere compliments.

4.

5. As a young man, Walt Whitman was intelligent, perceptive, smart, energetic, dedicated, vigorous, lively and hard working.

5.

6. It is actually quite true that people in the very early stages of therapy will definitely tend to become rather egocentric.

6.

(Choose the right subject for the sentence)

7. If the writer deletes these three useless words, he will make the sentence more vigorous.

7.

(Eliminate unnecessary clauses and phrases)

8. He decided that each week he would eliminate one of his habits which he considered objectionable.

8.

9.Most of the animals which have been introduced into this country have become creatures of the kind that is commonly known as pests.

9.

10. After she renovated the old house that was in the country, she asked all the people who were her friends at the time to come to a party which would be outrageous.

10.

Directions: Rewrite the following paragraph by eliminating needless word, phrases, clauses, and reshaping the language:

Primitive people are very often highly timorous about exchanging words in conversation with people whom they have never met before, for they are afraid that intercourse of a verbal nature with people who do not belong to their tribe will constitute an offense to the departed souls of their deceased ancestors, all of whom are potentially nasty, evil, malevolent, and quite prepared to harm the living.

ANSWERS:

1. During the period in which Jackie was learning the process of flying the new jets, she also learned something in regard to treating her fellow workers with what is generally called consideration.

1. While Jackie learned to fly the new jets, she also learned to be considerate to her fellow workers.

2. It is quite obvious that the person who was flying this airplane and not the person who was taking care of the passengers is the one who was responsible for the fact that this airplane made a crash landing.

2.The pilot was responsible for the crash landing and not the stewardess.

(Strike out "deadwood" -unnecessary words)

3. He took the course, not because he wanted to learn about chemistry, but because he wanted to be near the woman who was the instructor.

3. He took Chemistry to be near the teacher and not to learn.

4. His contemptuous sneer obviously contradicted his extravagant but insincere compliments.

4. His contemptuous sneer contradicted his effusive compliments.

5. As a young man, Walt Whitman was intelligent, perceptive, energetic, dedicated, and hard working.

5. As a young man, Walt Whitman was intelligent, perceptive, energetic, and dedicated.

6. It is actually quite true that people in the very early stages of therapy will definitely tend to become rather egocentric.

6. Patients in the early stages of therapy become egocentric.

(Choose the right subject for the sentence)

7. If the writer deletes these three useless words, he will make the sentence more vigorous.

7.By deleting these three useless words, the writer will make the sentence more vigorous.

(Eliminate unnecessary clauses and phrases)

8. He decided that each week he would eliminate one of his habits which he considered objectionable.

8. He decided that each week he would eliminate one of his objectionable habits.

9. Most of the animals which have been introduced into this country have become creatures of the kind that is commonly known as pests.

9.Most of the animals introduced to America have become pests.

10. After she renovated the old house that was in the country, she asked all the people who were her friends at the time to come to a party which would be outrageous.

10. After she renovated the old, country house, she her friends to come to her outrageous party.

Directions: Rewrite the following paragraph by eliminating needless word, phrases, clauses, and reshaping the language:

Too many words:

Primitive people are very often highly timorous about exchanging words in conversation with people whom they have never met before, for they are afraid that intercourse of a verbal nature with people who do not belong to their tribe will constitute an offense to the departed souls of their deceased ancestors, all of whom are potentially nasty, evil, malevolent, and quite prepared to harm the living.

(about 60 words)

Needless words omitted:

Primitive, tribal people are shy about talking to strangers, for they are afraid that conversation with foreigners will encite the departed and malevolent souls of their deceased ancestors to harm the tribe.

(32 words)